Tag Archives: pastor’s wife

3 Things I Lived in Fear Of

FEAR

This word has been brought to the forefront of my spiritual walk this last week.  Enjoying worship this past week, one of the songs that was highlighted was “No Longer Slaves” by Bethel Music.  One of the lines in that song hit me hard.  I could not sing it.  I could not bring myself to acknowledge before my God that I was “No longer a slave to fear.”  I know that I am a child of God but I still hold back.  I am not as free with my faith as He calls me to be, I don’t always do what He asks of me or follow the Holy Spirit’s guidance in daily decision because I am afraid.

What am I afraid of?

I think it boils down to three things:

  1. I am afraid of what people think. I haven’t been willing to be rejected, talked about, or even looked down on because of my faith.
  2. I am afraid I will fail. I don’t feel smart enough, strong enough or good enough to accomplish what He asks.
  3. I am afraid I am not worthy. Why would the God of the universe want to use me?

So, how do I overcome fear and live a life that can sing “I am no longer a slave to fear.”

I need to have a bigger picture of God.

I need to know His immeasurable love for me. His love is not dependent on my accomplishments or my abilities, He just loves me!

I need to know that God never wants me to fail and promised to walk with me through every path He leads me on.

I need to know that my life is not lived to impress or be approved by the people around me but that my value comes from who my Father is.

I AM A CHILD OF GOD!!  WOW!!

As I worshiped, prayed and cried this last week, I am learning more and more how to take the bondage of fear off and live my life in the freedom Christ offers.  It will be a journey, but I am excited to be on it.  Continuing to grow in my faith and free myself of my fears.

“I will fear NO evil for Thou art with me!” Psalms 23:4

Lessons from 2017

God is FOR ME not against me

I have known this in my mind for a long time but this past year I really understood that everything God asks of me or allows me to go through is not because he is against me or wants me to fail in any way, he is always FOR ME!  Romans 8:31 “What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?”  So we have to ask ourselves do we believe the “if” statement?  If we do, then nothing can stop us from doing what God has called us to do or stop us from growing in our faith as we go through things the world throws at us!

 

Anyone can benefit from having a coach

I have been setting goals and achieving SOME of them throughout my life but this past year I hired a coach that helped me see that I was doing things in my own strength and not relying on God’s power and purpose to accomplish things bigger than I could see.  I needed that coach to put my calling into action in a way that I could not see or even think about.  God lead me to a man that could pull me up in my faith.  My husband and I only met with this coach 4 or 5 times but those were life changing hours and I will always be thankful for them.  I think each one of us needs people in our lives that challenge us, pull us up in our faith and mentor us in the things we cannot see in ourselves.

 

I can write

“I am a math teacher, not an English teacher.”  This was my response to God every time he reminded me He had a purpose for me in writing.  So under the guidance of my coach, I just wrote.  I didn’t edit, I didn’t worry about how it sounded, I just wrote what was on my heart.  Then I hired really smart English people to edit my words and make them sound amazing!  Writing is not about the grammar, it is about the heart.  I learned that lesson this year and though I hope to become better in my writing I know that God just wants me to share my heart.  He will find people to help me do the rest but only I can write what I have experienced.

 

Watching my kids be grown ups is satisfying

I am enjoying watching my kids navigate the world, learn from their mistakes and use the gifts God has lavished on them for His glory.  I am one proud mama!  I know they are not perfect, I know they will have struggles, but the joy of seeing them lean on the Lord through each event is my greatest joy!

 

Adding new members to our family is fantastic

We experienced TWO of our sons getting married this year and am so thankful for the Godly women each has chosen.  Not only the girls themselves but the families that have become forever connected with us.  Each ceremony differed in many ways but the center theme for both was building a marriage on the firm foundation of Jesus Christ.  Again, proud mama!

 

Spending time with my grandkids is priceless

Having the kids live with us for half of the year has had its ups and downs; but when one of the boys cuddles, hugs, laughs or yells “grandma” my heart wants to explode.  I have learned to focus on the joyous times and make the most of the time they are here.  I do not know how far away they will move in the coming months so I have spent this year filling my mind with snapshots and video of our moments together.

 

I can learn new things

In writing my book I have had to learn three new computer programs, some computer code for the ebook format and a ton of steps that I didn’t know existed in the publishing process.  At first I wanted to hire everything out but that can be very expensive.  A wise friend told me that I can learn it all by just searching and reading and experimenting, so, that is what I did.  It was frustrating at times, I failed several times in the ebook coding, but in the end I have learned many skills I hope to pass on to others that are experiencing the same things I did.  It also gave me confidence in trying new things and experiment again.  We all did it as kids but have seem to become a little frightened by the word as we age.  I want to keep on trying new things and learning along my journey.

 

My husband is amazing

(I already knew this but this year just reaffirmed it)

 

David’s support for me this year has been astounding!  He has helped me write my book in any way he could imagine.  He came up with ideas to keep me going.  He never let me give up and found ways to help me focus.  I could not have asked God for a better partner in life and I am so full of gratitude for the love and support David gives me.  

 

This year has been full of lessons, experiences and gratitude.  I am looking forward to what God has in store for me this year.  He is the one in control and I just want to follow His lead.  

 

What did you learn in 2017?  Share in the comments!